Big Mike. Such a Great Guy!

We talked about my mom all the time after she passed away. We shared our favorite stories, discussed how she would handle certain situations, and just talked about how much we missed her. However, when my dad was alive I feel like we didn’t broach the subject of how much life sucked without her. We never got too deep into conversation about how painful reality truly was. Mostly because we didn’t want to make each other feel even worse about the situation. I know I didn’t want to bring up how bad I felt for my dad because it would only make it worse for him, and I know he didn’t want to do the same for us kids. He had to continue to be the strong man that has always taken care of us.

There was one conversation my dad and I had at the dinner table when it was just him and I living at home, just a few months before he passed away. This was a one-way conversation because I was speechless which if you know me is a huge rarity because I sure do love to talk. The only thing I could do that night was cry.

He randomly said “You know what Jenna? This stinks! Losing mom really stinks. I worked so hard my whole life to provide for you kids and her, so that one day I could retire and buy that house on the lake where we can be together. And now she’s gone. It’s just not right.”

I may be biased but that has to be the most heart-breaking thing I ever heard. That more than stinks. It completely and to the max sucks. You have this person, you adore, that you should be spending the rest of your life with and then something terrible happens and he or she is gone. Sometimes there is no coming back from that kind of lose. A broken heart is all you are left with. You must keep going on and take care of your priorities (in this situation your three kids and your unwanted at first but immediately worshiped dog Louie).

After we found out my dad passed away suddenly on that dreadful Friday night in 2013, I knew it was of a broken heart. He missed my mom so much, and you could tell even if he didn’t say it all the time.

He and I had the best time together living at home. We did everything from trying new restaurants when I would obsessively buy Groupons every day. We went on bike rides. We went on road trips see Michael and Jackie at college. After numerus attempts, I finally got him to enjoy slurpees as much as I do, until he got a really bad brain freeze and then we didn’t dabble with that for a while. He faked me out many Saturday nights by pretending to drive me to the Blue Line to catch the train, but instead he’d jump on the highway driving me all the way to my friend’s apartment. We had a blast, but I think he knew this wasn’t how it was always going to be.

This summer I had one of the best dreams of my life. I was at a hotel on an escalator and my dad was randomly right in front of me. I was so surprised and excited that I instantly linked up arms with him and looked into his eyes because I couldn’t believe it was him. In the dream he had moved away and I hadn’t seen him in a long time. I asked him when he was coming home. I told him I bought a two-bedroom condo and there was a room waiting for him when he was ready to come back. He told me that he was doing great and he was really happy where he was at. I was kind of surprised because I wasn’t expecting that. And he kept saying how happy he was and how great his life was. I asked him if where he was at was better than the house on the lake he always dreamed about, and he looked down at me with his piercing blue eyes saying “Yes, Jenna, this place is much better than any lake house I could have dreamed of.”

I don’t remember much else after that, but I woke up that morning with confirmation and called Michael and Jackie and told them that even though it stinks that dad is gone too, he is so happy he is united with mom again.

We miss our parents so much and there aren't any words to explain it, but we know they are happy to be together and the kids and I are going to be alright!

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